Kur dashuria nuk mbron: e padrejta si gjenez\u00eb e simptom\u00ebs<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ka nj\u00eb moment n\u00eb \u00e7do histori terapeutike ku fjala ndalet. Jo sepse pacienti nuk ka \u00e7far\u00eb t\u00eb thot\u00eb, por sepse fjal\u00ebt b\u00ebhen t\u00eb pamjaftueshme. M\u00eb ndodh shpesh ta ndjej k\u00ebt\u00eb ndales\u00eb si nj\u00eb pik\u00eb ky\u00e7e, si nj\u00eb vend i brendsh\u00ebm ku fjala nuk ka hyr\u00eb kurr\u00eb. Aty ku nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb folur, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb d\u00ebgjuar, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb em\u00ebrtuar kurr\u00eb ajo q\u00eb ka ndodhur. Dhe ajo q\u00eb ka ndodhur, zakonisht, \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb padrejt\u00ebsi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jo nj\u00eb ngjarje e madhe, jo nj\u00eb dhun\u00eb e qart\u00eb. Por nj\u00eb padrejt\u00ebsi e vog\u00ebl dhe e vazhdueshme si ajo pika e ujit mbi shk\u00ebmb. Nj\u00eb munges\u00eb. Nj\u00eb fjal\u00eb q\u00eb nuk u tha kurr\u00eb. Nj\u00eb sy q\u00eb nuk t\u00eb pa. Nj\u00eb p\u00ebrqafim q\u00eb nuk erdhi. Nj\u00eb braktisje q\u00eb u quajt \u201cedukat\u00eb\u201d. Nj\u00eb turp\u00ebrim q\u00eb kaloi si \u201cshaka\u201d. Dhe mbi t\u00eb gjitha, nj\u00eb zem\u00ebrim f\u00ebminor q\u00eb nuk u mor kurr\u00eb seriozisht. Sepse n\u00eb vendin ton\u00eb, f\u00ebmij\u00ebt nuk kan\u00eb t\u00eb drejt\u00eb t\u00eb ndihen t\u00eb l\u00ebnduar. Ata duhet t\u00eb durojn\u00eb. T\u00eb kuptojn\u00eb. T\u00eb falin. T\u00eb mos flasin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Por trupi nuk harron. Zemra nuk fal pa u d\u00ebgjuar. Dhe simptomat, her\u00ebt a von\u00eb, dalin si gjuha e asaj padrejt\u00ebsie q\u00eb s\u2019mundi kurr\u00eb t\u00eb flitej.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
E padrejta q\u00eb nuk shihet \u2014 dhe nuk em\u00ebrtohet<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ka nj\u00eb lloj dhune q\u00eb nuk e shohim si t\u00eb till\u00eb sepse \u00ebsht\u00eb \u201ce zakonshme\u201d. Dhe ka nj\u00eb lloj padrejt\u00ebsie q\u00eb nuk e quajm\u00eb t\u00eb till\u00eb sepse ndodh brenda dashuris\u00eb. N\u00eb sht\u00ebpi. N\u00eb familje. Nga njer\u00ebzit q\u00eb na donin, por nuk dinin si.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kur f\u00ebmija nd\u00ebshkohet jo p\u00ebr at\u00eb q\u00eb ka b\u00ebr\u00eb, por p\u00ebr at\u00eb q\u00eb ka ndjer\u00eb. Kur i thuhet t\u00eb mos qaj\u00eb, t\u00eb mos frik\u00ebsohet, t\u00eb mos m\u00ebrzitet. Kur ndjenjat e tij shpallen t\u00eb gabuara, t\u00eb ekzagjeruara, t\u00eb tep\u00ebrta. Ai m\u00ebson q\u00eb nuk ka t\u00eb drejt\u00eb t\u00eb ndjej\u00eb. Dhe kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb forma m\u00eb e hershme e padrejt\u00ebsis\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jo rrall\u00eb, f\u00ebmija p\u00ebrjeton gabimet e t\u00eb rriturve si faj t\u00eb vetin. N\u00ebse mamaja nuk e d\u00ebgjon, \u00ebsht\u00eb sepse ai nuk ka folur si\u00e7 duhet. N\u00ebse babai zem\u00ebrohet, \u00ebsht\u00eb sepse ai e ka merituar. N\u00ebse t\u00eb dy heshtin, \u00ebsht\u00eb sepse ai nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb aq i vlefsh\u00ebm sa t\u00eb d\u00ebgjohet. Dhe k\u00ebshtu nis nd\u00ebrtimi i nj\u00eb bote t\u00eb brendshme ku dashuria dhe faji jan\u00eb t\u00eb ngat\u00ebrruara. Ku prind\u00ebrit b\u00ebhen t\u00eb shenjt\u00eb dhe f\u00ebmija b\u00ebhet problemi. Ku zemra mbushet me heshtje, dhe heshtja me plag\u00eb q\u00eb nuk duken.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
K\u00ebto plag\u00eb nuk quhen trauma. Askush nuk i p\u00ebrmend. Askush nuk i ka b\u00ebr\u00eb me q\u00ebllim. Por jan\u00eb aty. Dhe sa m\u00eb t\u00eb padukshme, aq m\u00eb shum\u00eb rr\u00ebnjosin iden\u00eb se \u201cdi\u00e7ka nuk shkon me mua\u201d. Dhe mbi k\u00ebt\u00eb ndjesi ngrihen vite t\u00eb t\u00ebra jete, marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniesh, p\u00ebrpjekjesh, simptoma q\u00eb s\u2019kuptohen dot. E padrejta \u00ebsht\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb truall.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Simptoma si d\u00ebshmi e s\u00eb padrejt\u00ebs<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shpesh, kur flasim p\u00ebr nj\u00eb simptom\u00eb, p\u00ebrqendrohemi te p\u00ebrmbajtja: ankthi, depresioni, var\u00ebsia, vet\u00eb-n\u00ebnvleft\u00ebsimi, ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb \u00e7rregullime t\u00eb t\u00eb ushqyerit ose marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnie t\u00eb d\u00ebshtuara. Por m\u00eb pak flitet p\u00ebr simptom\u00ebn si akt kujtese. Si nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb me t\u00eb cil\u00ebn trupi dhe mendja p\u00ebrpiqen t\u00eb mbajn\u00eb mend di\u00e7ka q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb fshir\u00eb nga rr\u00ebfimi i jet\u00ebs.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Simptoma shpesh \u00ebsht\u00eb d\u00ebshmi e nj\u00eb p\u00ebrvoje q\u00eb ka qen\u00eb e padurueshme p\u00ebr t\u2019u jetuar kur ndodhi, dhe e papranueshme p\u00ebr t\u2019u em\u00ebruar m\u00eb von\u00eb. Ajo kthehet me nj\u00eb intensitet q\u00eb shpesh habit edhe vet\u00eb pacientin: \u201cNuk e di pse m\u00eb kap kjo ndjesi, gjith\u00e7ka ka qen\u00eb n\u00eb rregull n\u00eb jet\u00ebn time.\u201d Dhe pik\u00ebrisht aty nis k\u00ebrkimi. Aty ku \u201cgjith\u00e7ka ka qen\u00eb n\u00eb rregull\u201d, fshihet shpesh nj\u00eb padrejt\u00ebsi q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00ebsuar t\u00eb quhet \u201cnormalitet\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
F\u00ebmija q\u00eb m\u00ebson t\u00eb shtyp\u00eb ndjenjat p\u00ebr t\u00eb ruajtur dashurin\u00eb e prindit, shpesh rritet duke nd\u00ebshkuar veten p\u00ebr \u00e7do emocion q\u00eb nuk p\u00ebrshtatet me t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt. Ajo ndjesi e p\u00ebrhershme q\u00eb duhet t\u00eb jesh \u201cmir\u00eb\u201d, q\u00eb nuk ke t\u00eb drejt\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebrkosh m\u00eb shum\u00eb, q\u00eb nuk je kurr\u00eb mjaftuesh\u00ebm, jan\u00eb mbetje t\u00eb nj\u00eb p\u00ebrvoje ku e drejta p\u00ebr t\u00eb ndjer\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb shkelur pa u par\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
N\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb kuptim, simptomat jan\u00eb si nj\u00eb gjuh\u00eb q\u00eb lind nga padrejt\u00ebsia e pashprehur. Dhe kur i d\u00ebgjojm\u00eb me kujdes, ato nuk flasin vet\u00ebm p\u00ebr dhimbjen e sotme, por p\u00ebr nj\u00eb munges\u00eb t\u00eb vjet\u00ebr: p\u00ebr nj\u00eb fjal\u00eb q\u00eb s\u2019u tha, nj\u00eb krah q\u00eb nuk u zgjat, nj\u00eb ndjeshm\u00ebri q\u00eb mungoi kur ishte m\u00eb shum\u00eb se e nevojshme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Teoria q\u00eb i afrohet realitetit<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fatmir\u00ebsisht, disa autor\u00eb e kan\u00eb par\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb lidhje thelb\u00ebsore mes padrejt\u00ebsis\u00eb dhe simptom\u00ebs. Alice Miller \u00ebsht\u00eb ndoshta z\u00ebri m\u00eb i njohur p\u00ebr publikun e gjer\u00eb, me shkrimet e saj mbi f\u00ebmij\u00ebn q\u00eb mban pesh\u00ebn emocionale t\u00eb familjes. Ajo flet p\u00ebr \u201cf\u00ebmij\u00ebn e mir\u00eb\u201d, q\u00eb m\u00ebson t\u00eb shtyp\u00eb zem\u00ebrimin dhe trishtimin p\u00ebr t\u00eb ruajtur dashurin\u00eb e t\u00eb rriturve dhe q\u00eb si i rritur, paguan \u00e7mimin me depresion, vet\u00eb-mohim dhe nd\u00ebshkim t\u00eb vetes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Donald Winnicott, n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00ebn e tij m\u00eb t\u00eb qet\u00eb dhe t\u00eb kujdesshme, na kujton se f\u00ebmija nuk ka nevoj\u00eb p\u00ebr prind\u00ebr perfekt\u00eb, por p\u00ebr \u201cmjedisin e mjaftuesh\u00ebm t\u00eb mir\u00eb\u201d. Dhe kur ky mjedis d\u00ebshton, jo thjesht nj\u00ebher\u00eb, por vazhdimisht, f\u00ebmija nuk zhvillon dot ndjesin\u00eb e nj\u00eb vetjeje t\u00eb sigurt, t\u00eb mb\u00ebshtetur, t\u00eb drejt\u00eb. Ai m\u00ebson t\u00eb mbijetoj\u00eb, por jo t\u00eb jet\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Selma Fraiberg flet p\u00ebr fantazmat q\u00eb jetojn\u00eb n\u00eb \u00e7erdhe: p\u00ebrvojat traumatike t\u00eb prind\u00ebrve q\u00eb p\u00ebrs\u00ebriten te f\u00ebmij\u00ebt e tyre, pa vet\u00ebdije, pa q\u00ebllim, por me pasoja reale. K\u00ebto fantazma jan\u00eb shpesh forma t\u00eb trash\u00ebguara t\u00eb padrejt\u00ebsis\u00eb, dhun\u00eb q\u00eb nuk u fol kurr\u00eb, nd\u00ebshkime q\u00eb u quajt\u00ebn edukat\u00eb, mungesa q\u00eb u mbuluan me sakrific\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Mund t\u00eb shtohet edhe z\u00ebri i Sandor Ferenczi-t, i cili foli me guxim p\u00ebr \u201cterrorin e pakuptuesh\u00ebm\u201d q\u00eb f\u00ebmija p\u00ebrjeton kur p\u00ebrkujdes\u00ebsi \u00ebsht\u00eb edhe burimi i dhun\u00ebs. Kjo p\u00ebrvoj\u00eb p\u00ebrmbys\u00ebse krijon nj\u00eb ndarje t\u00eb thell\u00eb n\u00eb brend\u00ebsi t\u00eb subjektit, q\u00eb m\u00eb von\u00eb ndjehet i \u00e7oroditur, fajtor dhe pa t\u00eb drejt\u00eb t\u00eb k\u00ebrkoj\u00eb drejt\u00ebsi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
K\u00ebta autor\u00eb na ndihmojn\u00eb t\u00eb kuptojm\u00eb at\u00eb q\u00eb shum\u00eb pacient\u00eb e ndjejn\u00eb, por nuk din\u00eb si ta thon\u00eb: q\u00eb n\u00eb rr\u00ebnj\u00ebn e simptom\u00ebs s\u00eb tyre nuk q\u00ebndron vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb gjendje klinike, por nj\u00eb ndjenj\u00eb padrejt\u00ebsie q\u00eb askush nuk ia pranoi kurr\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Padrejt\u00ebsia si tabu kulturore<\/p>\n\n\n\n
N\u00eb kultur\u00ebn ton\u00eb, fjala \u201cprind\u201d \u00ebsht\u00eb e shenjt\u00eb. Dhe me t\u00eb, edhe \u00e7do veprim q\u00eb vjen prej tyre. \u201cT\u00eb kan\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb kok\u00ebn\u201d, \u201ct\u00eb rrit\u00ebn\u201d, \u201ct\u00eb dhan\u00eb buk\u00eb\u201d, \u201ckan\u00eb sakrifikuan gjith\u00e7ka p\u00ebr ty\u201d etj., jan\u00eb fraza q\u00eb d\u00ebgjohen shpesh, si nj\u00eb form\u00eb ndalese p\u00ebr \u00e7do pyetje, p\u00ebr \u00e7do kritik\u00eb, p\u00ebr \u00e7do kujtes\u00eb t\u00eb dhembshme. F\u00ebmija m\u00ebson her\u00ebt se nuk ka t\u00eb drejt\u00eb t\u00eb ndjej\u00eb q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb l\u00ebnduar nga ata q\u00eb e donin. Ai m\u00ebson t\u00eb hesht\u00eb. Dhe m\u00eb von\u00eb, t\u00eb mbroj\u00eb ata q\u00eb e l\u00ebnduan.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kjo mbrojtje \u00ebsht\u00eb rr\u00ebnjosur thell\u00eb n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00ebn si shoq\u00ebria shqiptare e trajton marr\u00ebdh\u00ebnien prind\u2013f\u00ebmij\u00eb: me frik\u00eb, me faj, me mit. E padrejta q\u00eb ndodh brenda sht\u00ebpis\u00eb mbulohet me nderim, me heshtje, me shpjegime q\u00eb duken logjike, por jan\u00eb emocionalisht bosh. \u201cAshtu ishin koh\u00ebt.\u201d \u201cNuk dinin m\u00eb mir\u00eb.\u201d \u201cT\u00eb donin, por nuk dinin si.\u201d Dhe k\u00ebshtu e padrejta kalon n\u00eb nj\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb dyfisht\u00eb: nuk quhet e till\u00eb, por gjithsesi l\u00eb plag\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
K\u00ebto plag\u00eb pastaj p\u00ebrjet\u00ebsohen n\u00eb nj\u00eb kultur\u00eb q\u00eb nuk njeh vuajtjen si e drejt\u00eb t\u00eb njeriut, por si nj\u00eb borxh q\u00eb duhet duruar. Q\u00eb e konsideron vuajtjen si karakter, jo si plag\u00eb. Dhe k\u00ebshtu, shum\u00eb individ\u00eb e jetojn\u00eb veten si \u201ct\u00eb d\u00ebmtuar\u201d, pa pasur asnj\u00ebher\u00eb guximin apo lejen p\u00ebr t\u00eb th\u00ebn\u00eb: \u201ckjo q\u00eb m\u00eb ndodhi nuk ishte e drejt\u00eb.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pik\u00ebrisht k\u00ebtu, n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb \u00e7arje midis p\u00ebrvoj\u00ebs s\u00eb brendshme dhe narrativ\u00ebs kulturore, lind simptomatologjia m\u00eb e heshtur, m\u00eb e shp\u00ebrfillur, m\u00eb e thell\u00eb. E padrejta b\u00ebhet e padukshme por asnj\u00ebher\u00eb e pad\u00ebmshme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
T\u00eb jesh d\u00ebshmitar i vonuar<\/p>\n\n\n\n
N\u00eb nj\u00eb bot\u00eb q\u00eb i k\u00ebrkon individit t\u00eb harroj\u00eb, t\u00eb fal\u00eb pa e kuptuar, t\u00eb pranoj\u00eb pa u d\u00ebgjuar, roli i terapistit \u00ebsht\u00eb i jasht\u00ebzakonsh\u00ebm: t\u00eb jet\u00eb d\u00ebshmitar. T\u00eb ulet p\u00ebrball\u00eb nj\u00eb njeriu q\u00eb flet p\u00ebr her\u00eb t\u00eb par\u00eb p\u00ebr at\u00eb q\u00eb nuk ka pasur em\u00ebr. T\u00eb mos e ndal\u00eb. T\u00eb mos e shpjegoj\u00eb. T\u00eb mos e minimizoj\u00eb. Por t\u00eb d\u00ebgjoj\u00eb. Dhe me k\u00ebt\u00eb akt t\u00eb thjesht\u00eb por t\u00eb fuqish\u00ebm, t\u00eb ndihmoj\u00eb q\u00eb ajo q\u00eb ishte simptom\u00eb, t\u00eb kthehet n\u00eb histori. Q\u00eb ajo q\u00eb ishte e brendshme, t\u00eb marr\u00eb form\u00eb t\u00eb jashtme. Q\u00eb e padrejta, m\u00eb n\u00eb fund, t\u00eb quhet e till\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb e leht\u00eb. Sepse shpesh, p\u00ebrball\u00eb nesh, ulet nj\u00eb njeri q\u00eb ka nd\u00ebrtuar gjith\u00eb jet\u00ebn mbi mohimin e saj. Q\u00eb ka b\u00ebr\u00eb paqe me munges\u00ebn e drejt\u00ebsis\u00eb duke nd\u00ebshkuar veten. Q\u00eb ka m\u00ebsuar t\u00eb jet\u00eb \u201cmir\u00eb\u201d, kur n\u00eb fakt \u00ebsht\u00eb thyer brenda. Dhe detyra jon\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb ta nxjerrim menj\u00ebher\u00eb nga ai vend por ta shoq\u00ebrojm\u00eb n\u00eb rrug\u00ebn e rikthimit tek e v\u00ebrteta e tij.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ky proces nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb vet\u00ebm sh\u00ebrim. \u00cbsht\u00eb edhe akt drejt\u00ebsie. Nj\u00eb drejt\u00ebsi e vonuar, e vog\u00ebl, intime por thelb\u00ebsore. \u00cbsht\u00eb \u00e7asti kur nj\u00eb njeri pushon s\u00eb menduari q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb faji i tij. Kur fillon t\u00eb kuptoj\u00eb se ajo q\u00eb ka ndjer\u00eb gjith\u00eb jet\u00ebn nuk ishte \u00e7rregullim por nj\u00eb reagim i ndersh\u00ebm ndaj nj\u00eb padrejt\u00ebsie t\u00eb panjohur.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dhe n\u00eb at\u00eb \u00e7ast, simptomat ndoshta nuk zhduken. Por marrin nj\u00eb em\u00ebr. Nj\u00eb kuptim. Nj\u00eb vend n\u00eb histori. Dhe kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb shum\u00eb sesa mjekim. \u00cbsht\u00eb kthimi i subjektit tek vetja.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Kur dashuria nuk mbron: e padrejta si gjenez\u00eb e simptom\u00ebs Ka nj\u00eb moment n\u00eb \u00e7do histori terapeutike ku fjala ndalet. Jo sepse pacienti nuk ka \u00e7far\u00eb t\u00eb thot\u00eb, por sepse fjal\u00ebt b\u00ebhen t\u00eb pamjaftueshme. M\u00eb ndodh shpesh ta ndjej k\u00ebt\u00eb ndales\u00eb si nj\u00eb pik\u00eb ky\u00e7e, si nj\u00eb vend i brendsh\u00ebm ku fjala nuk ka hyr\u00eb […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4304,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[84],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4303","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4303","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4303"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4303\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4305,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4303\/revisions\/4305"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4304"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4303"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4303"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4303"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}