Teksa po lexoja nj\u00eb artikull n\u00eb \u201cThe New Yorker\u201d me titull \u201c\u00c7far\u00eb kan\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb burrat p\u00ebr t\u00eb merituar k\u00ebt\u00eb\u201d t\u00eb shkruar nga Jessica Winter, m\u00eb shkuan nd\u00ebr mend shum\u00eb situata nga seanca terapie me burra. M\u00eb ka ndodhur shpesh q\u00eb n\u00eb dhom\u00ebn time t\u00eb terapis\u00eb, burrat nuk hyjn\u00eb me fjal\u00eb. Hyjn\u00eb me nj\u00eb lloj tensioni t\u00eb pashpjeguar, me nj\u00eb heshtje q\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb bosh, por e mbushur me di\u00e7ka q\u00eb nuk ka gjetur akoma form\u00eb mjaftuesh\u00ebm t\u00eb qart\u00eb n\u00eb mendjen e tyre aq sa p\u00ebr tu verbalizuar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shpesh nuk thon\u00eb \u201cjam i l\u00ebnduar\u201d. Thon\u00eb \u201cjam i lodhur\u201d, \u201cnuk m\u00eb intereson m\u00eb\u201d, \u201cnuk ka m\u00eb kuptim\u201d. Dhe ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb nuk thon\u00eb asgj\u00eb. Ankohen p\u00ebr simptoma dhe vet\u00ebm p\u00ebr to.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ka nj\u00eb ide q\u00eb po qarkullon gjithnj\u00eb e m\u00eb shpesh: q\u00eb burrat jan\u00eb n\u00eb kriz\u00eb. Por, fjala \u201ckriz\u00eb\u201d p\u00ebr t\u00eb shpjeguar at\u00eb q\u00eb po ndodh me meshkujt\/burrat n\u00eb koh\u00ebt q\u00eb po jetojm\u00eb, \u00ebsht\u00eb e pamjaftueshme. Sepse e vendos problemin n\u00eb sip\u00ebrfaqe, si nj\u00eb reagim ndaj ndryshimeve ekonomike apo kulturore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
N\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb, ajo q\u00eb po ndodh \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00eb e thell\u00eb. Burrat nuk jan\u00eb thjesht n\u00eb kriz\u00eb. Ata jan\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb hap\u00ebsir\u00eb ku modelet e vjetra jan\u00eb shembur, por t\u00eb rejat nuk jan\u00eb nd\u00ebrtuar. Dhe n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb hap\u00ebsir\u00eb, shum\u00eb prej tyre kan\u00eb mbetur pa orientim.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
P\u00ebr nj\u00eb koh\u00eb t\u00eb gjat\u00eb, burr\u00ebria ka qen\u00eb e lidhur me role t\u00eb qarta: t\u00eb prodhosh, t\u00eb mbrosh, t\u00eb mbash. K\u00ebto role nuk ishin gjithmon\u00eb t\u00eb drejta. Jo vet\u00ebm ndaj grave por edhe ndaj vet\u00eb burrave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shpesh ishin t\u00eb ashpra, ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb edhe t\u00eb padrejta. Por ishin t\u00eb kuptueshme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sot, k\u00ebto koordinata jan\u00eb zhvendosur. Bota k\u00ebrkon di\u00e7ka tjet\u00ebr: aft\u00ebsi p\u00ebr lidhje, p\u00ebr komunikim, p\u00ebr p\u00ebrpunim emocional. Dhe k\u00ebtu shfaqet nj\u00eb boshll\u00ebk. Sepse shum\u00eb burra nuk jan\u00eb rritur me k\u00ebto mjete. Jo sepse nuk duan. Por sepse nuk u jan\u00eb m\u00ebsuar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
N\u00eb terapi, kjo shfaqet si di\u00e7ka q\u00eb nuk artikulohet leht\u00eb. Nj\u00eb burr\u00eb q\u00eb nuk di t\u00eb thot\u00eb se \u00ebsht\u00eb i l\u00ebnduar, shpesh thot\u00eb se \u00ebsht\u00eb i zem\u00ebruar. Nj\u00eb burr\u00eb q\u00eb nuk di t\u00eb k\u00ebrkoj\u00eb ndihm\u00eb, t\u00ebrhiqet. Nj\u00eb burr\u00eb q\u00eb nuk duron dot ndjesin\u00eb e d\u00ebshtimit, e kthen at\u00eb n\u00eb ciniz\u00ebm ose n\u00eb sulm. Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb zgjedhje e vet\u00ebdijshme. \u00cbsht\u00eb nj\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb e m\u00ebsuar p\u00ebr t\u00eb mos q\u00ebndruar me dhimbjen.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dhe ndoshta k\u00ebtu q\u00ebndron problemi por ndoshta edhe zgjidhja. Sepse n\u00ebse duhet t\u00eb japim nj\u00eb p\u00ebrkufizim t\u00eb ri t\u00eb burr\u00ebris\u00eb, ai nuk mund t\u00eb nd\u00ebrtohet mbi dominimin, as mbi mohimin e vetes. Ai duhet t\u00eb nis\u00eb nga nj\u00eb aft\u00ebsi shum\u00eb m\u00eb e thjesht\u00eb, por n\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn koh\u00eb, edhe shum\u00eb m\u00eb e v\u00ebshtir\u00eb p\u00ebr dik\u00eb q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb m\u00ebsuar t\u00eb gjith\u00eb jet\u00ebn me t\u00eb kund\u00ebrt\u00ebn. Kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb aft\u00ebsia p\u00ebr t\u00eb q\u00ebndruar me dhimbjen pa shkat\u00ebrruar veten dhe t\u00eb tjer\u00ebt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Kjo nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb cil\u00ebsi q\u00eb lind vetvetiu. K\u00ebrkon di\u00e7ka q\u00eb shum\u00eb burra nuk e kan\u00eb pasur: nj\u00eb hap\u00ebsir\u00eb ku ndjenja nuk p\u00ebrkthehet menj\u00ebher\u00eb n\u00eb turp, ku dob\u00ebsia nuk p\u00ebrjetohet si rrezik, ku fjala nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb luks, por mjet.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Pa k\u00ebt\u00eb, dhimbja nuk zhduket. Ajo transformohet. Ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb n\u00eb agresion. Ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb n\u00eb t\u00ebrheqje. Ndonj\u00ebher\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb boshll\u00ebk q\u00eb duket si indiferenc\u00eb, por n\u00eb fakt \u00ebsht\u00eb mbrojtje.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Shoq\u00ebrit\u00eb n\u00eb shum\u00eb vende kan\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb nj\u00eb pun\u00eb t\u00eb r\u00ebnd\u00ebsishme n\u00eb sfidimin e formave t\u00eb d\u00ebmshme t\u00eb burr\u00ebris\u00eb. Por ka b\u00ebr\u00eb shum\u00eb m\u00eb pak n\u00eb nd\u00ebrtimin e nj\u00eb alternative. Sepse nuk mjafton t\u2019i thuash nj\u00eb burri \u00e7far\u00eb t\u00eb mos jet\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Duhet t\u2019i tregosh edhe si mund t\u00eb jetoj\u00eb ndryshe. P\u00ebrndryshe, ai mbetet n\u00eb nj\u00eb hap\u00ebsir\u00eb ku \u00e7do p\u00ebrpjekje p\u00ebr t\u00eb ndryshuar ndihet si humbje, jo si transformim. Ndoshta kjo \u00ebsht\u00eb arsyeja pse shum\u00eb burra sot l\u00ebkunden midis dy skajeve: ose nj\u00eb version i fort\u00eb, i ngurt\u00eb, pothuaj karikatur\u00eb i burr\u00ebris\u00eb, ose nj\u00eb t\u00ebrheqje e heshtur nga marr\u00ebdh\u00ebniet, nga p\u00ebrgjegj\u00ebsia, nga vet\u00eb jeta.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
T\u00eb dyja jan\u00eb m\u00ebnyra p\u00ebr t\u00eb shmangur t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn gj\u00eb: kontaktin me nj\u00eb dhimbje q\u00eb nuk dijn\u00eb si ta mbajn\u00eb.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ndoshta problemi nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb q\u00eb burrat nuk duan t\u00eb ndryshojn\u00eb. Por q\u00eb askush nuk u ka m\u00ebsuar si t\u00eb q\u00ebndrojn\u00eb me at\u00eb q\u00eb ndjejn\u00eb, pa u mbrojtur menj\u00ebher\u00eb prej saj. Dhe pa k\u00ebt\u00eb aft\u00ebsi, \u00e7do ndryshim i jasht\u00ebm mbetet i pap\u00ebrpunuar brenda. N\u00eb fund t\u00eb dit\u00ebs, ndoshta burr\u00ebria nuk ka t\u00eb b\u00ebj\u00eb m\u00eb me at\u00eb q\u00eb nj\u00eb burr\u00eb arrin t\u00eb zot\u00ebroj\u00eb n\u00eb bot\u00ebn e tij. Por me at\u00eb q\u00eb arrin t\u00eb mos shkat\u00ebrroj\u00eb brenda vetes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Dhe kjo nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb dob\u00ebsi. \u00cbsht\u00eb nj\u00eb form\u00eb tjet\u00ebr force, m\u00eb pak e dukshme, por m\u00eb e q\u00ebndrueshme. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Teksa po lexoja nj\u00eb artikull n\u00eb \u201cThe New Yorker\u201d me titull \u201c\u00c7far\u00eb kan\u00eb b\u00ebr\u00eb burrat p\u00ebr t\u00eb merituar k\u00ebt\u00eb\u201d t\u00eb shkruar nga Jessica Winter, m\u00eb shkuan nd\u00ebr mend shum\u00eb situata nga seanca terapie me burra. M\u00eb ka ndodhur shpesh q\u00eb n\u00eb dhom\u00ebn time t\u00eb terapis\u00eb, burrat nuk hyjn\u00eb me fjal\u00eb. Hyjn\u00eb me nj\u00eb lloj tensioni […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":4367,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4366","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4366","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4366"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4366\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4368,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4366\/revisions\/4368"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/4367"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4366"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4366"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nelidemi.al\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4366"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}